Balancing Heart and Mind
by Biene
Summary: Hailey finally realises she's made a mistake by leaving Hotch and goes to visit him, finding him shot... Set directly after 4x26, so now AU.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hi guys, I hope you like it... Couldn't help but write it, hopefully you'll enjoy it!

After that case Hotch definitely needed a drink. 89 dead people - and for what? Nothing... Just because of one sick mind! At days like this, he despised his job, wished he had a normal one, working regular hours and where he wouldn't see such cruel things. But it wasn't meant for him, he was too far gone by now to turn back ever again. He had looked into the abyss, being branded was the price he had to pay. Month ago this price didn't seem to high to pay, he'd had his Hailey and his lovely son. Now Hailey wasn't his anymore, she wasn't there to talk to, to calm him, to remind him there were beautiful things in life. And there were no words to describe how much he missed Jack.

Sensing a movement he turned around. No one was here as far as he knew and he did not expect anyone... Fear hit him first when he saw the gun trained on him, but it couldn't paralyse him, training had taught his body that. He didn't have a chance to react though, just heard his attacker's words: „You shouldn't have made a deal!" and felt searing pain in his chest.

A few miles away at the same time Hailey put Jack into bed. Watching her son she couldn't help being reminded of his father. More and more she wondered if leaving him had been a mistake. Sure she had been certain at the time, now she wasn't anymore. She had never thought it possible how much she missed him. Also she had believed her still existing feelings for Aaron would fade in time. Not a chance though...

And was it fair to keep Jack from having a normal family? Just because she didn't get to have enough time with his father? After all she had to admit her husband - EX-husband! - had always been completely with them when he was present. Something she hadn't experienced often...She remembered how he'd always looked at her, the love shining in his eyes revealing how strong his feelings had been for her. More important she remembered how much she had loved to be looked at like this, like she was the only woman in the world. It made her believe he could see right through her, in turn though she was one of the few people who were allowed to get to see the real Aaron Hotchner - the man, not the agent.

Now she knew for sure leaving Aaron had been a mistake. Could she rectify it? Would he forgive her and give them another shot? Even a blind person was able to see how much he missed Jack, but what about her? Did he miss her too? Well, asking herself those questions wouldn't answer them, only Aaron could.

Jack was asleep, so the friend they were staying with wouldn't have any trouble with him. As she had expected, Sara readily agreed to watch over the young man. She shortly contemplated putting on make up, then decided against it. This would be a night of truth, she had to allow Aaron to see through her façade. Besides she knew there was no way she could deceive him, rouged or not.

Hailey picked up her keys after having thrown one last look into her son's room. The drive wasn't long, still every nerve in her body was tense, her normally pretty good driving turning into crap. She parked in front of Hotch's house, now hesitating to face the truth. Too many what if's haunted her. What if Aaron wouldn't be willing to try again? Would she be able to bear that? Right now she had at least the hope... A hope that could be dashed too easily.

It might have been she would have turned away now, would she have had a little more time. That she did not have though, for the calm of the night was disturbed by a sound she'd always dreaded: a shot! Before she knew it she had exited the car and was on her way to the door of her former home. It didn't cross her mind the shot might not have come from Aaron's house, instinctively she knew it had. Not concerned for her own safety she could only think: „Please not him... Please not. He can't be... be dead!" She almost fainted when she saw the man she loved lying on the floor bleeding. Her heart raced, in no time she was kneeling beside him, checking for a pulse. A little relieved when she found it, she called an ambulance. Next she fetched a towel, pressing it on the hard-bleeding wound with one hand, slipping the other one in Aaron's. Now while waiting she took the time to look at him closely, noticing how tired and worn out he looked. All because of her? Or because of his damned job?

Finally the paramedics arrived, quickly taking care of the FBI-agent. No one doubted her when she got in the ambulance behind them.

„How are his chances?" She barely recognised her own voice, it sounded so frail, so low...

One of the paramedics turned to her, concern in his face.

„Not good, Miss... We'll see more when we're at the hospital."

Hailey didn't correct him with „Miss", she remained quiet, her eyes fixed on Hotch.

A/N: So, now please: read and review!!!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks for your reviews, more pretty please! Here's the next part, enjoy!

The ride only lasted for a few minutes, Hailey though didn't take notice, her mind completely overwhelmed by catching up with what had happened that evening and pleading Aaron would make it. She never let go of his hand, as if would mean she'd cut his lifeline then. One of the paramedics had to gently grab it and remove it, so they could take Hotch into the operation room. Hailey was left alone after being led to the waiting area. She stood there, her arms crossed before her chest. There was nothing left to do but wait, she knew it, but she hated it... For so long she had feared something like this would happen, had know it could happen, still now being faced with the actual occurrence was almost to much to bear. Hell and she had tried to tell herself she didn't love Aaron anymore!

Some time later she remembered to call Sara to tell her Aaron had been shot and she'd be staying at least until she knew more. Could she watch over her son? Sara was shocked, of course she'd take care of Jack until Hailey was back. They hung up, no words of comfort were offered for they couldn't find any.

Shortly after Aaron's team arrived. Hailey briefly wondered who had called them, feeling a little guilt it hadn't been her. As if she still had every right to be there none of them questioned why she was here, even more every one told her how sorry they were and that they would find the son of a bitch who had done this. Then silence fell over them, no one had anything to say.

The more time passed, the more anxiety settled over them. All were close to losing it when finally a doctor approached them, introducing herself as Dr. Eloise Heston. JJ and Hailey stepped forward, shaking hands. The rest of the team gathered behind them, almost begging for good news. Heston knew that and didn't beat about the bush.

„Agent Hotchner was injured severely and has lost much blood, the bullet did damage his left lung. We were able to remove it though and have him stabilised. Since he is in good health I think if he makes it through the night, it's safe to say he'll make a full recovery. You were lucky to have found him so quick, otherwise we wouldn't have been able to help him."

Hearing those words Hailey immediately recalled how Aaron had looked when she'd found him and she shuddered, knowing this would bring her nightmares for a long time. But with a little luck, she'd have him beside her when she woke up... Instantly she recalled the feeling of waking up next to Aaron, to cuddle with him, to caress him and be caressed by him... Which led to an image of him completely naked, his strong arms, his muscular chest, his flat belly, his long, slender legs. Until now she hadn't even known how deeply embedded in her mind such images were.

She was so zoned out she hadn't even noticed JJ had asked if they could see Hotch. They could, but only a short time. After a look between the team, Hailey was allowed to go first. Carefully she sat down on the bed, taking his hand in hers.

„Don't you dare die on me, Aaron, Jack needs you..."

The following words were harder to say, it was hard to admit, she needed Aaron to know though.

„I need you... I still love you, please give us another chance, don't give up!"

She forced herself to get up after a few moments and with one last look she left. Once out of the room she approached Dr. Heston.

„Excuse me, Doctor..."

„Yes?"

The woman smiled, feeling sympathy with Hailey.

„I'm the ex-wife... I'm still in love with him, would you please allow me to stay with him?"

Heston was about to decline, the desperation in Hailey's voice changed her mind though. This woman clearly was in love, Agent Hotchner was a lucky man...

„Okay, I'll allow you to be with him, but under the condition you go home and get some rest before."

Hailey smiled, barely believing such an easy victory.

„Thank you very much! Please call me if anything changes, okay?"

„I will, just give me your number."

After that was done, Hailey said good-bye and headed over to Sara's, who was already waiting for her and the latest news. She told her everything, then went into the room she shared with Jack. She looked into his bed and upon the sight of her deeply sleeping son she almost smiled. Oh, how she hoped she wouldn't have to tell him his father was dead...

She lay down on her own bed, certain she wouldn't find any sleep. The emotional turmoil had drained her though and she was asleep soon.

A few hours later she was woken up by a ringing phone and feared the worst.

A/N: I know, I'm a bitch... *eg* Review please, they make me write faster!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I'm so sorry that I kept you waiting this long. University was a bitch, lots of things to do and I even failed most of them... :-/

Anyway, on with the story and please, please tell me what you think and what you wanna see in the next chapter!

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Immediately she was wide awake and answered her cell.

„Hotchner"

„Hi Hailey, it's Miles. Sara told me what happened... Can I do anything for you?"

Before she could speak she had to breathe a sigh of relief. Only Miles she calmed herself. He was a good friend of hers, by now though he was a little bit annoying because she knew he hoped for something more between them, what was simply impossible.

„Oh, hi Miles! No thanks. Sara's watching Jack and I'll head over to the hospital again soon. His team is probably there too, so I won't be alone."

„So how is he then?"

„They said this night is crucial and promised to call if his condition changes, but until now they didn't... I hope that's a good sign."

„Probably... When he wakes up give him my well-wishes, okay? Take care of yourself and call me when you need anything!"

„Sure. Thanks! Bye!"

„Bye!"

She hung up and went to her son who sleepily moved in his bed. For him she forced a smile on his face.

„Jack, I'm going to the hospital again. I need you to be good and listen to everything Sara says, all right?"

The child looked at her.

„Yes, Mom. How's Daddy?"

„He's still sleeping. But if we get lucky, he'll wake up soon."

She just couldn't tell him there was a chance his father might die.

„Can I see him then? I miss him..."

She felt a little guilty for keeping Aaron from him.

„I don't know, we'll have to see about it."

When her son remained silent she added:

„I have to go now. Bye!"

„Bye. I love you, Mom!"

She kissed his forehead before leaving.

„I love you too, son!"

After a shortgood-bye to Sara she was on her way to the hospital again, her heart still heavy with fear and worry. She had always relied on Aaron to be the strong one, to support her, even after the divorce. It was as sure as death and taxes that he would be there for her, no matter what. Death... She swallowed heavily. It still was a possibility and she prayed he wouldn't let her and especially Jack down now, their son needed a father... And she needed Aaron.

No denying their relationship had been special. Love, compassion, comradeship, friendship, a great deal of attention, fantastic sex. Everything a woman could wish for had been there. She remembered quite a few nightmares he had had and how she had consoled him... And he'd done the same for her.

Until now she hadn't even realised the radio was playing, she had been so lost in her thoughts. The song that was on however she recognised immediately: „If tomorrow never comes" by Ronan Keating. A sad smile crossed her face. She had always liked that song, but now it was more than this. Aaron might not have a tomorrow, really didn't know how much she loved him and she might not get the chance to tell him.

Having arrived by now she quickly got out, locked the car and made her way to Aaron's room. She gently sat down on his bed, taking one of his strong, slender hands in her own and placing them on her upper thigh. Softly she spoke to him in the hope he could hear her despite the coma. Maybe her voice would give him the strength to find his way back... All her love was put in it, she didn't want to - even couldn't - hold her feelings back. She talked and talked, not aware hours had already passed.

Aaron Hotchner just felt dizzy, totally exhausted. To give in to the darkness was tempting, so tempting, it would be so easy... There he would have his peace and quiet. But this voice - easily recognised as Hailey's - gave him the strength and even more important the will to fight. He wanted to see her and Jack again, to see his son grow up with everything that was part in it: school, college, university, girlfriends, some day even wife and maybe kids...

Hailey had not turned her head from Hotch and when his eye-lids began to flutter her hope rose. Without noticing she squeezed his hand tighter.

„Yes, wake up, please, sweetheart!"

The term of endearment had slipped easily, forgetting that she had given up the right to use it.

Finally his eyes were fully open and she could see they were trying to focus. When he finally identified her, he unbelievably whispered:

„Hailey?!"

His voice was hoarse and almost inaudible, but it caused a few tears of joy to find their way into Hailey's eyes.

„Yes, it's me... Let me just call the doctor, I'll be right back."

It was only then that she parted their hands, instantly missing the contact. In the door she threw one last look at him before she left.

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A/N: So, moment of truth: Did you like it or not? Please let me know!!!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: So, I kept you waiting more than enough... -.- But now I can promise, I'll update more often. That's something, isn't it?

I'm a bit disappointed though, not even one review for the last chapter!

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Within minutes the doctor was at his side, checking him out.

„You were quite lucky, Agent Hotchner, your ex-wife saved your life...If you had been found later, we wouldn't have been able to do anything for you."

Hotch's mind was still fuzzy, but he already wondered why Hailey had come to visit him. Sadly the only thing they still had in common was Jack. Could it be she wanted to talk about them? To become involved again? No, certainly not, that was only what he wished for...

Heston continued talking.

„She barely left your side since you came in here, you have to know."

That really got his hopes up, but well - it could mean she only cared for him as a friend. These musings were interrupted when Heston left and Hailey entered again.

„I'm so glad you're awake, Aaron..."

Those words didn't even begin to cover her feelings, but she didn't find others. She could only hope Aaron would understand what she wanted to say, that their connection was intact enough for that. Apparently it was, for he reached for her hand and motioned to sit down next to him. Immediately he answered:

„Hailey, why did you want to visit me?"

„We'll talk about that when you're better, ok? It can wait... Besides I need to go back to Jack, Sara's watching him."

He wasn't satisfied with her answer, but he was too weak to push.

„Please tell him I love him... And not to worry about me, will you?"

„Of course, I'll come with him next time, he already wanted to see you."

A weak smile appeared on his face, making Hailey think how strong the connection between those two was.

„I believe that..."

„Bye, Aaron, get well soon!"

„Take care, Hailey, bye!"

Then she left, leaving Hotch to be overwhelmed by sleep.

The rest of the BAU had found out by now Foyet would be targeting Hotch's family. They all dreaded telling their friends this, but they had to, else there was no way to protect Hailey and Jack. They were all gathered around the bed of their leader and it was Rossi who finally told Hotch.

For once the strong agent was not able to keep up the tough façade, the horror evident on his face. Long ago he had accepted he might become a target of one of the unsubs they were chasing, but now knowing the woman he loved and his son were in danger because of a decision he had made was more than he could handle. Rossi tried to calm him:

„We have already arranged protection. We know they are on their way here now and a colleague will pick them up from here to take them to a safe-house. Foyet won't find them."

„Okay, I sure hope so..."

Hotch's voice was still worried and full of anxiety. They all knew the fear of their leader wouldn'd diminish until they had caught Foyet and his family was safely back. It went without saying each one of them would give the best to achieve that.

„Does she already know?"

„No, not yet. I will tell her when she gets here."

Rossi certainly did not look forward to telling Hailey she'd have to leave her home for a while, no one could say when they'd catch Foyet.

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A/N: So, now please, push that little review button and tell me what you think!


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Hi guys! Next part, have fun! I just realized I've forgotten to say: I don't own anything! Sadly...

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Once that was said, the team gathered outside to let Hotch rest and to wait for Hailey's arrival. They didn't have to wait long, then she showed up with Jack. After a short greeting she was about to enter Hotch's room, but Rossi stopped her.

„Hailey, please wait a minute, we have to speak to you."

Turning to the boy he continued:

„Why don't you already go see your Dad? We won't keep your Mom for long, she'll be right with you two."

Jack smiled and did as he was told.

Now that they were alone, Rossi grew more serious.

„I did not want to agitate him, sadly we've got bad news for you. We found out who was after Aaron..."

He paused, clearly not wanting to go on. Hailey remained silent, waiting for him to speak again.

„Well... He's probably after you now."

No, no... This was not happening! Fear, panic, disbelief, doubt, all these emotions came at once. She was not so much scared for herself, much more for her son. He was so young, he shouldn't be faced with something like this! When her son came to her mind she immediately tried to figure out what to tell him since of course she couldn't tell him the truth. More calmly than she was she asked:

„What happens now?"

„We've got US Marshals outside, they're going to take you to a safe-house and take care of you until this is over."

At first she didn't react at all, things were happening so fast she had a hard time keeping up. First finding Aaron shot and fearing for his life, now this...

Since she really didn't have a choice she just squared her shoulders, looked at Rossi and said:

„Well, I don't like it, but it's probably the best thing to do. But please, find him, and find him quick!"

„We'll try to, promise!"

Hailey nodded, then she turned to enter Hotch's room.

This time she was greeted with a sad smile. She saw he had already spoken to Jack and rarely she had been more glad that Aaron got along so well with him.

„Hales, I'm so sorry..."

Obviously he really was and her heart melted once more. She placed a hand on his arm and spoke:

„It's okay, it's not your fault. You just focus on getting better and let your team catch this asshole. We'll be fine."

„Just take care, please... I wish I was able to come with you, so I could be sure you're safe."

Hailey understood that too well. Aaron might be reassured the Marshals would give their best to protect them, but there was the possibility that might not suffice...

„Of course I will..."

She wasn't able to hold back her next words.

„I'd feel better if you did."

Indeed, she felt uneasy putting her and her son's safety into the hands of complete strangers. As always Hotch exactly knew what she meant.

„You can trust the Marshals, they're good men."

He said that not only to convince her, he needed to hear it as well, since he was trying to believe it. Hailey saw it, the man had never been able to conceal anything from her. Nonetheless she put on a brave face.

„Yes, I'm sure they are."

Seeing that Aaron was tired she added:

„We should get going now, they're waiting for us."

Hotch reached for her hand and squeezed it lightly, trying to put into words what he was feeling now. It was too much and too confusing though, he had to settle for a lame

„I hope, I'll see you soon!"

„Me too!"

Then she turned to Jack:

„Come on, we got to go!"

Their son, who had up until now rested peacefully against Hotch's side, gave his father a last hug and a kiss on the cheek, which Hotch returned before he grabbed Hailey's hand and said:

„Bye, Daddy!"

„Bye, son! I love you!"

„I love you too!"

After an intense gaze and a farewell from Hailey they were gone.

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A/N: Bet you didn't see that one coming, did you? So, tell me what you think, I'll write faster if you do!


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: So sorry, I know it took me like forever, but my life is absolutely going downhill right now, so I had to focus on that... Well, enough, enjoy and please drop me a review, they really cheer me up!

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Hotch was immediately overwhelmed by the feeling of loss and was still looking at the door long after Haley was gone... And with her the chance of mending their relationship, at least for now. He just hoped it wouldn't be gone forever. Well, he had to trust in his team and he did. But another thing was how long it would take them to catch Foyet... He sighed. It wasn't easy to bear that he wasn't allowed to have any contact with Haley and Jack.

With each day it was getting harder and harder and when he thought it couldn't get any harder, it still did. Especially bad was Jack's birthday. Sure, once he had been away at this special day, but then he had at least been able to call and talk to his son... Not even to mention that nobody had threatened his family before. Hotch sighed, how he wished they'd finally catch that bastard! Three months and they still weren't any closer... It was unbelievable, the best profilers of the world couldn't find one single guy!

Hotch couldn't know yet, everything would change with a phone call he received minutes later.

„Hotchner"

„Missing your family, Aaron?"

It was next to impossible to hide that his breath caught in his throat, but he still did it. He recognized it at once, no matter he hadn't heard it in months...

„What do you want, Foyet?"

He made sure his voice sounded emotionless and flat.

„Oh, I just thought you'd like a last chance to talk to your lovely wife - oh sorry, ex-wife - again and of course your son."

No, no, no... This word hammered inside Hotch's head. Haley and Jack were supposed to be safe, how could this bastard have them?!

Later he would find out, but for now that couldn't and wouldn't be his priority. Many threats were on the tip of his tongue, he held them back, they were of no use. Instinctively the profiler in him took over, after so many years Hotch didn't even realize this slight change. Only Haley and maybe some of his colleagues might have been able hear the panic in his voice.

„I'm the one you're after, am I not? Please let them go, then you can have me. They have nothing to do with this, let's keep them out of it."

As an answer Foyet let out a dirty laughter.

„No, I won't, I want you to suffer. But since you're being nice, I'll put Haley on for a sec and then your lovely son, so you can say bye-bye."

„Aaron???"

The fear in Haley's voice was so obvious to him even with only this single word piercing right through his heart. He could barely speak and had a hard time holding back the tears welling up in his eyes. He had to make this quick, give Haley any possible help.

„Hales... Can you do one thing for me? Can you please try not to show him your fear?"

„Yes... Yes, I will. You know I still love you, don't you?"

„I know, sweetie, I do... And I love you too, I'm so sorry!"

Upon these last words he hadn't been able to hold back his tears. They were freely rolling down his face now, all off his stoic façade gone.

Foyet's sarcastic remark interrupted them:

„Sweet, oh so sweet... Here's Jack."

„Daddy?"

„Yes, son, it's me. I need you to work this case with me, okay? It's very important, I need your help."

„Okay, bye, Daddy!"

Then it was Foyet again.

„Time's up..."

For a moment there was only silence, then Hotch heard the horrible, dreaded sound of a gun-shot. Who had been hit? Haley or Jack? Had Jack been able to „work the case"? He broke down sobbing, not able to bare it any longer.

For how long he did not know and even then it took him some time to register the annoying sound in the car was his cell. Rossi called to tell him where Foyet was probably hiding: Haley's and his home! Resolutely Hotch put all grief aside, determined to at least rescue one member of his family. With his still tear-streaked face he turned the ignition, letting the fury in him take over. He'd kill Foyet, he'd kill him... This bastard did not have the right to live after all he had done! For once Aaron Hotchner wished to make another human being suffer. Yet he knew Foyet would never suffer as much as he did right now, for that son of a bitch didn't have a family or even any friends.

When he reached his home he already saw the rest of his team approaching. A quick, silent greeting, then each drew his gun while Hotch deactivated the alarm system. A ghost of a smile touched his lips, the numbers were their wedding day...

Quietly they moved in, surrounding the house, taking careful glances through the windows. Hotch was the one who saw Haley and Foyet first, in the kitchen, no sight of Jack. Delight at the sight of the woman he loved mixed with still lingering fear for his son. When the agent saw the bullet hole in the wall though he knew Jack had managed to hide himself. He took the time to send a silent prayer of thanks, before he continued watching, fixing his eyes on the enemy. Right now Foyet seemed pretty calm, not at all concerned for Jack's whereabouts and of course bound as she was Haley was no threat too. The only weapon visible was a knife on the kitchen table within reach for Foyet.

Briefly Hotch contemplated just shooting him, but since Haley was partly in the line of fire he had to refrain. Instead he opted to go in through the back door with his keys. Foyet didn't have any accomplices, so if they could surprise him there was a good chance of an happy-end.

He signaled his colleagues to regroup and told them that Emily and him would go in through the back, Morgan was to stay watch at the window and shoot if anything went wrong and the rest should use the front to get in. A swift nod from each, then they parted after Hotch had given Rossi the key for the front door.

One part of Hotch was paralyzed with fear, the other worked automatically due to much training as he and Emily moved in. Step by step they came closer and with each one his heart beat quickened even more. Nonetheless his hands were steady, his face almost blank of the fear he still felt. Before he knew it the two stood at the kitchen door, which was soon flanked by their friends on the other side. Using his fingers for the countdown he gave Rossi the sign to kick the door in, so he could go in first. Within seconds his gun was pointed at Foyet.

„Just give me one single reason!"

In this warning he laid all the anger and the fury he felt, never before had his voice sounded so deathly. Once he was sure Rossi had their culprit secure he lowered the gun and with a few quick strides he was next to Haley, had grabbed the knife and freed her from her bonds. He helped her up pulling her so close to him that she could barely breath. Not that she minded, she was so happy to be safe and feel him next to her. Both called for Jack to come out of his hiding place, which was answered by fast footsteps on the stairs. Their son threw himself at them, now completely reuniting the happy family.

By this time the other agents had had the decency to give them their privacy, so Aaron Hotchner took his opportunity. With Jack on his one arm and the hand of his other arm entwined with Haley's, he said:

„Please, Hales, be mine again... I love you so much!"

Her answer was accompanied by a smile.

„I was always yours and I'll always be yours, I just realized it too late, at least I thought so... I love you too, Aaron!"

The following kiss was absolutely breathtaking for both, so much lately repressed emotion, so much fear, so much love, all was shared through this simple touch. But that was the way it had always been with them, the strong bond they shared could never weaken no matter what.

THE END

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A/N: So, how was it? Please, I need feedback, guys!


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